You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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