i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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