You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
