I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
