Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
