she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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