Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
