wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
