Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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