i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
