nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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