Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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