wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
