just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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