Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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