Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
