shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
