So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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