she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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