You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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