I cockslap morals
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
