I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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