My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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