i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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