I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
