the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
