I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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