You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
