You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
