I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
