Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
