what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize