i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
