I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize