I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
