Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
