I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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