Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
