A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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