Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
