I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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