I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
