the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
