If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize