Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
