kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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