you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
