why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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