I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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