God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
