New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
