If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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