Plan B is the new Plan A
we made out on top of his cat.
i love accidental penises.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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