I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
