Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
