I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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