I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
