did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
