haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
