turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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