U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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