I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
