am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
