There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
